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Thread: Skyline

  1. #1
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    Default Skyline


    In the year of 2432, on precisely June 18, miners in Siberian tundra discovered a new element while searching for gold. This element , dubbed Ytrimium, proved to be dangerously radioactive, as well as highly flammable and explosive. It was named after Dr. Ytri Kasakoff of Russia, who was in charge of the mining exploration.
    Kasakoff would have become rich upon his discovery, maybe even awarded the Nobel Prize, as Ytrimium later proved to be a component in the cure for cancer, devised by Sir Samuel Rawlinson centuries later. But since Ytrimium is so potent, when the miners struck a vein with a combine drilling machine, maybe 100000 cubic meters of the element in total, the impact caused the detonation that destroyed all of Eastern Russia, a good half of China, and nearly every other country on the north-eastern part of the world . Millions were killed in the initial blast, and the fallout from the radioactive element drifted worldwide. The impact was that of tens of thousands of nuclear bombs being blown up simultaneously.
    Through the damage didn't stop there. The blast caused Earth's tectonic plates to move in a very peculiar, rapid bumper-car like motion, ramming into each other. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and gaping craters opened up all over the world. Between that and the fallout, every continent around the world became a hostile environment.
    The results of this disaster were devastating .Approximately 2 billion people were killed within one week of the blast, with another 3 billion dying later on due to illness stemming from the radioactive fallout. The world's population was on a declining trend for nearly 900 years. The trend then flat lined for another 600 years. The remaining population initially blamed Russia for what had happened, as not a single country was left unaffected. Most of the people inhabiting the planet were killed, due to the carelessness of the Russians. Or at least that's how the rest of the world viewed it.
    The world was on the brink of nuclear war against Russia, but Russia truced before blood was even shed. They couldn't afford, nor could the rest of the world, to lose any more of their people.
    It took many years for the rest of the nations to warm back up to Russia, but people began to realize they needed Russia's strength to survive. So, after many years more debate, all of the world leaders decided to enter a truce, so that each nation may once again build back up to their former splendor. But with peace,comes great advancements in science and technology, which will once again lead inevitably to war.



    _____________________________
    I'm taking a stab at writing a story again. You will have to bear with me, as I usually don't have much time on my hands to write, so new segments will be slow. This post is merely an introdution that sets up my story. I hope I have picked something somewhat original.

    Enjoy

    ^Shenanigans in Inkscape^

    Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?


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  2. #2
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    A very interesting premise, best of luck on your story !

    ~John

  3. #3
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    Hi Thorn! Haven't seen you around here in a while.

    Anyway, I'm mostly just wondering what the plot of this is actually shaping up to be. Though I trust that it will be good.


    That kind old lady stopped the rain for us.
    She said it would only make us cold, and miserable, and sick.
    We thanked her and hugged her and she walked away smiling warmly.
    I miss the puddles...

  4. #4
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    Hey, Thorn. I have to agree with Bree and John. The premise is very interesting, and I want to see where it goes.

    Special Props To Don Ezio for this!

    In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fallbreeze View Post
    Hey, Thorn. I have to agree with Bree and John. The premise is very interesting, and I want to see where it goes.
    What Fallbreeze said.
    "You're kinda' cute!"
    "What?! I'm not kind of- shut up!" Bulma to Vegeta

    Quote Originally Posted by Humility View Post
    One thing that works against everything. Flamethrower.

  6. #6
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    I'm still debating on where I should take it myself. I have a couple of ideas that I could use, but I'm not sure which one. I wrote the introduction in that particular way so that when I got to this point I would get to choose what to write next. I'll try to put something together tomorrow morning, and see if it works out.

    ^Shenanigans in Inkscape^

    Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?


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  7. #7
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    Not bad, not bad. I like the base-plot of the story (sounds more like an opening to an RP, though...), but there are some inconsistancies here and there considering scientific information.

    Not sure about some of these, so bear with me.

    -A compact blast of any explosive, even a radioactive one, won't cover (or blow up) an entire country or continent, unless it is split into sections and spread out across the target. In short, you can't blow up half a country (China's huge, thorn.) and the whole far-east of the world with just a vein of your element, especially with just 100000 cubic meters.

    Now for the shape of the story, we'll need to work on.

    Your intro wasn't all that bad, although it was leaning toward informational than telling a story. Your ending was weak, not strong enough to grab a reader to the story and bicker it to continue reading. For that, you may want to use a Clincher, maybe a question.
    Also, some detail in the story (more recorded problems, info on Ytrimium, etc...) would bulk up the first paragraphs of the story.


    Was I a pest? Sorry if I was. Just trying to help ya, Thorn. I wanna see the next chapter!

    "You're a Booby" ~William the Troll

  8. #8
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    Katie Rawlinson sped down the skybridge, which stretched between New Moscow and Kiev. The skybridge was suspended approximately 1 kilometer above the ground, as was every other skybridge around the world. It wasn't disconcerting at all for her though. She had grown up among the cloud cities, which were built atop both high peaks, and some were even built on huge platforms, which were held up on massive support columns. The columns were approximately 200 meters in diameter at the base, were also constructed of nanoasphalt, an extremely light, but also very durable, with both enough flexibility and strength to withstand itself under vast amounts of pressure. Nanoasphalt was the best building material known to man because of this.
    The human race had to retreat to the skies after the disaster of 2432, which left earth's crust contaminated and broken. A solution needed to be found in order for mankind to survive. The only option available was to retreat to high ground. Eventually, when there were no high peaks available to be inhabited, scientists began to search for a new material that would allow them to construct cities raised above the ground. When they found nanoasphalt, which was a natural petroleum product found several kilometers under earth's crust, they realized they had found their salvation. Nanoasphalt's natural form is like a viscous grease, but when it is heat treated, it hardens with the aforementioned qualities. Nanoasphalt was used to construct everything in modern cities. From buildings, to roads, support columns, sewage pipes, and water ducts.
    A beep sounded in Katie's car. She looked at the call display, and recognized her brother's number.
    "What, Roger?" she asked impatiently rolling her eyes. Roger was only 16, and usually needed her help with everything he did.
    "What's a metaphor?" he asked.
    "Roger, I don't have time to help you with homework. I'm almost in Kiev," she said in an exasperated voice.
    "Come on, you don't want me to fail eleventh year, do you?"
    "Of course I want you to pass. But what I would like even more is for you to shut up."
    "Please?" he whined. Katie didn't answer. Instead, she hit the mute button on the console.
    She wasn't usually this annoyed with Roger, but today was the day that she would be promoted to the rank of Captain in the UEM, the United Eurussia Military. This wouldn't have been a problem if she didn't have to give a speech. But she did. Damn.
    The beep sounded again. She hit the button and said angrily, "Fine, you want to know what a metaphor is that bad? It's a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable, in order to suggest a resemblance. Happy?"
    "Katie?" said a distinctly different voice, "What was that?" the voice started laughing.
    "Shut up, Alex." Her face flushed. She was glad Alex couldn't see her face. He would've laughed even harder.
    "Could you also tell me what a hyperbole is, but without so much sass?"
    "What do you want?" she said, her features dark.
    "To wish you luck, that's all," Alex said in a cheery voice, "see you when you get home." He ended the transmission.
    Katie breathed a heavy sigh. She didn't mean to be like that towards Alex, but her nerves were jangling like no other. She hit the gas, accelerating to 285 kilometers per hour. She would be in downtown Kiev in under 20 minutes.

    ***************

    "What is the new Captain's name?"
    "Katie Rawlinson, sir," stuttered Jonathan Newman. Or at least, that's what he called himself. Nobody knew what is real name was.
    "When will she be appointed?"
    "Today at noon, sir," Newman spluttered. The Boss scared him out of his wits.
    "Be there. And be ready. Young Miss Rawlinson must die. Within the next week. That is your job. If she doesn't die, you die. Her father wronged us, so it is only fair that we wrong her."
    Newman gulped. "Yes, sir." He reached to his holster, and took out a small caliber pistol. He looked at the shiny stainless steel finish. "The girl must go."
    "Good man, Newman."
    Last edited by Arathorn136; 11-07-2010 at 02:14 PM.

    ^Shenanigans in Inkscape^

    Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?


    STATUS:
    It's always time for Tim's.

  9. #9
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    :O


    (but forreal thats what we meant by a cliff hanger, good job man.)
    "You're kinda' cute!"
    "What?! I'm not kind of- shut up!" Bulma to Vegeta

    Quote Originally Posted by Humility View Post
    One thing that works against everything. Flamethrower.

  10. #10
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    I like the little back and forth between Katie and Alex.

    but anyway, my only complaint might be where you delve a bit into history again in this part. The segue worked, but you seemed to have, in my opinion, drew it out a bit much so that the transition back to the action was a little disconcerting-especially after the introduction and all the history lesson contained in that.

    So if you can say the same stuff in fewer words, that may help, as well as switching into (past perfect tense? I forget. The one with the "had left' and "had begun" and "had found" instead of "left" "began" and "found.") for the history. It keeps that from being mixed up with the action, occuring in preterite tense. Common technique writers use.


    That kind old lady stopped the rain for us.
    She said it would only make us cold, and miserable, and sick.
    We thanked her and hugged her and she walked away smiling warmly.
    I miss the puddles...

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