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Thread: (first story!) The Fire Star

  1. #1

    Default (first story!) The Fire Star

    Hey guys, saw a few stories out there and figured I should try

    This is a post-by-post story, Not all in one chunk.

    Thanks guys, it's below!



    Gareth drew an arrow from his quiver, and as silently as he could, drew his bow. He was in the Ra'vez, an extrodinary hunting spot, yet dangerous at the same time. Gareth was there to hunt for food, so he could feed his family. The Ra'vez was his and his family's only chance of survival, so if Gareth failed, his family would starve and die. But no, he wouldn't let that happen, he would NEVER watch his damily die. As accuratly as he could, he realeased the arrow at the deer.
    Right after he realeased the arrow, he felt something in his mind. The arrow flew into the bush behind the deer, and Gareth wondered what had happened.


    At the same time Gareth was hunting, a sorcerer named Gratzsgul was practicing his Magic when he felt the world's Auuma move. The worlds Auuma moving around meant some one had touched some Magic of some sort. Some one that wasn't supposed to.

    Gratzsgul quickly cleaned his face, picked up his dagger and staff, packed provisions, and left his cottage. He had to find the boy who touched the Magic. If he was to late, two things could have happened: The first, the boy would have magik infused with his blood to long and die. The second, the boy gain the ability to control Auuma, which nobody had accomplised in many, many centuries, and would let the boy summon sprites, control fire, ice, and
    electricity, and many, many more Magical things. Gratzsgul wouldn't know unity he found the biy. IF he found the boy. And he may just be too late.


    Well how did I do?

    CnC on beggining, I'm planning to post more every few days. Sorry if this wasn't long enough
    Last edited by Korakc; 09-21-2011 at 08:01 PM.
    Don't even THINK about it.

  2. #2
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    First off, did the boy even know he touched magic? Was there any odd feeling or such?

    Second: How did the sorcerer know that it was this boy, exactly? Did he scry, or use some sort of back 'sensing' to figure it out.

    Third: Some spelling mistakes, but the story isn't so bad, but would be better if you answered the above in the story.

    Special Props To Don Ezio for this!

    In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice.

  3. #3
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    yep just 1 thing that would personally bug me *magic not magik :P other then that and the things fall said i think its good
    may all who feel my blade know my pain
    http://bbs.evony.com/showthread.php?t=146907 read my story
    <15:37>[paingodsson]: well i usually save tjpse fpr of o, attled pr o, attlomg
    <15:37>[ThaCulprit]: wtf did you just say to me? lol

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    i support paingo-whatever.

  4. #4

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    Well I changed it up a bit... Again this is my first story
    Thanks guys and girls!
    Don't even THINK about it.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fallbreeze View Post
    First off, did the boy even know he touched magic? Was there any odd feeling or such?

    Second: How did the sorcerer know that it was this boy, exactly? Did he scry, or use some sort of back 'sensing' to figure it out.

    Third: Some spelling mistakes, but the story isn't so bad, but would be better if you answered the above in the story.
    I don't think the sorcerer knew it was that boy. Not yet. He just knows that a boy has touched magic, and that he has to find said boy.

    Kor, good story, though as fall mentioned the spelling errors could be cleared up.


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  6. #6
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    this is better than my stroy its crap i need a new one


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  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by spartacool View Post
    this is better than my stroy its crap i need a new one
    LOL, just think of what you like. Any intrests?
    Don't even THINK about it.

  8. #8
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    i like old weapons like swords, bow and arrows,axes,etc. and i like castle and inventions made from leonardo from AC 2


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  9. #9

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    Well make an assasin story maybe? featuring an assasin in the beginning on a mission, and going on from there?
    Don't even THINK about it.

  10. #10
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    hhhhmmmmmmm, HA i got one


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