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Thread: The Life and lies of Sergent Grant

  1. #11
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    srry only been on forums for a week havnt got the lingo down yet but excuse my meaness in asking

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alzar View Post
    hey anyone going to give me rep
    You write stories for rep?

    If that's the case this is the wrong place for you... I seriously advise you ask someone to edit it for you before this gets burnt to the ground...

  3. #13
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    no srry i dont i write storys becasue i enjoy them i am sorry if it went the wrong way

  4. #14
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    the problem with over explaining stories is i dont do that i try to write to make u keep reading

  5. #15
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    Chapter 1 revised
    I wake up... wait, I wake up?! Im alive? Not possible... I must be dead. Is there an afterlife?? I feel pressure on my arm, and instantly my question is answered. Lying next to me is the dead body of the pilot, crushed by the helicopter.

    The pain comes at me all at once, and a scream in agony. The Russian *******s. My life was over as I know it, how many survivors were there?? I crawl out the windshield, and look around. There is no army, they all moved on. They didn't even bother to check for survivors, they were so sure of their victory.

    My confidence disappears when I feel something cold against my head, and the cock of a gun. There is a pistol being held at arms length, right against my head. A Russian, he must have stayed behind.

    Before I know what is happening, a wave of vertigo overcomes me. There is a temporary blackout, and I'm shocked to be alive when I come back to my senses. In my hand is a pistol, and infront of my is the Russian. Except there are three bullets, burrowed deep into his chest. Blood oozes out onto me, and I get away as quickly as I can.

    There is a small Russian camp near the crash location. They didn't bother dismantling it. They left some food, and a makeshift tent. It would have to do. The provisions would last me about a week; how long would I be here? I lay down, and close my eyes. The first of many days end in this hell-hole.
    Edited by:Pieman
    Last edited by Alzar; 01-24-2010 at 04:27 PM.

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alzar View Post
    Chapter1
    When i wake up i have a eerie feeling i am not alone i when i step out of the tent i half die half faint as i fall to the ground. The last thing i saw was this a russain soldier with half his face blowen of one leg and one arm standing there i woke up to find sergent limmly my friend who also joined the army with me. We have been friends since high school "Hey Grant how u doing?"he asks me. "Fine" I Reply."How did you survive the crash?" I ask. "Well if you did someone else had to of." States limmly. BOOM BOOM "What was that." I say. "You rest ill go look grant." when limmly comes back he reports what happend before the are two medal plated baskets full of food but why didnt they just pick us up i wonder. I would soon find out.

    As i step outside for the first time i see all the russain army with their faces blowen off walking up to me and limmly. Thats when i know what do say. "RUN!" me and limmly take all the food we can handle and get to the Jetbomb. If you are wondering a jet bomb is a atv with a huge storage compartment. As we hop on the two that are there and drive away i know something is wrong all the bodies are gone. Even from the U.S side of the battle field it looks like the civil war out here baren there is blood everywhere but no people. Then i know why as we get to the U.S side of the battle field i am struck in aw at the abbyss that wasnt there yesterday but is today we are being chased and we have no choice so we jump. Yes you heard me right we drive right into the abbyss.

    OK so you know abbyss and oh they are endless but like 20 feet down the shocks on the ATV'S hit the ground making a pain in my back but we just keep driveing. We soon get to what amazes me all the U.S army is in a corner of this abbyss, with a huge camp with tanks helicopters you name it it is there so i stroll along seeing all the people that i watched drop in battle standing here. They all greet me even my whiny captain that i watched get shot right in front of me is there. I got to bed that night knowing i am safe or well for the time being i am.
    This entire story makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Even if you had been using proper capitalization, spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure, it STILL feels like the insane ramblings of some guy about to die of alcohol poisoning.

    Maybe you should do what some people suggested, and actually explain what's going on here? Reading extremely carefully, one MIGHT be able to ascertain that this has something to do with the living dead, but only with great difficulty. Why do the Russian zombies act like stereotyped zombies, but then the American zombies act exactly like they did before? Why did they randomly drive into a canyon? How did everyone else get down there? How did zombies drive tanks or pitch tents?

    Either make a real attempt to get better, or just stop writing stories. We do NOT need another LKD.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Axer NZ View Post
    This entire story makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Even if you had been using proper capitalization, spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure, it STILL feels like the insane ramblings of some guy about to die of alcohol poisoning.

    Maybe you should do what some people suggested, and actually explain what's going on here? Reading extremely carefully, one MIGHT be able to ascertain that this has something to do with the living dead, but only with great difficulty. Why do the Russian zombies act like stereotyped zombies, but then the American zombies act exactly like they did before? Why did they randomly drive into a canyon? How did everyone else get down there? How did zombies drive tanks or pitch tents?

    Either make a real attempt to get better, or just stop writing stories. We do NOT need another LKD.
    ok well u missed the prolouge that is why it doesnt make sense to u

  8. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alzar View Post
    ok well u missed the prolouge that is why it doesnt make sense to u
    Axer doesn't miss stuff like that. Trust me. He's one of the best critic we've got.

    I am a Wizard Mercenary

  9. #19
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    wow everyone hates me

  10. #20
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    I offered to help you Alzar. Your too full of yourself to accept help.
    Many different times i have offered to rewrite it... so you can just SEE what it could look like.

    Listen, your stories are BAD. And this is the point at which you need help. Refuse to accept it, you will never get better.

    *Expatcat*
    I Own My Own Website!
    Working on writing some stories! Keep you're eye on that section!

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