Jokes

lol nice one

Ok another one, (I love stupid jokes)
Ok this is one that you have to tell to someone for it to actually be funny at all.

Ask someone "Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"
If they answer "I don't know" or anything else to that effect, you then reply with "So you're the one!"

I hope I don't end up having to explain this one. It's not as funny then.

Ok. So I'm Mormon, and I havn't heard any good mormon jokes except one.

Why do Mormons stop having kids at forty? Because forty one kids is just to many.

Why do Mormons cry rivers? Because they couldnt manage crying a sea ( you may not find this funny)

I love Morman jokes because one of my best friends is Morman, but the best Morman jokes are on the spot, so I dont have any specific ones. Nor would I post them, since they could possibly get me banned.

One day, Tim asked his dad what politics were. His dad tried to explain as he best he could. He said. "Well, since I'm the head of the house, I'm president. Since your mom deals with the money, she's the government. The nanny is the working class. You are the people, and your little brother is the future."

Tim went to bed thinking about what his dad said. He woke up in the middle of the night because his little brother was crying. His little brother had soiled himself. He went to get his mom, but he couldn't wake her up. His dad wasn't in the room with his mom. Tim then went to the nanny's room. He found his dad making love with the nanny. He went back to bed.

When Tim woke up in the morning and sat at the table for breakfast, he said to his father, "Dad! I think I know what politics are." His father leaned back and asked "What are politics?" Tim happily responded. "The president is screwing the working class, the government is ignoring the people, and the future is in deep crap."

Haha! Thats awesome. And yet, so true

make 1k funnest jokes that you have lmao

sorry for got how to spell this word>
#1 v
Ok there is a bird and there is a magic dude... that does magic tricks ok.. back to the story....The bird going to each of the magic shows of them... the bird know s each and all the tricks that the dude does... so the bird tell the ppl where hes putting the item thats he does the tricks with like... (hes putting it in his sock raaccck (or what ever lmao) .... so one day the magic dude was doing a magic show on a ship out in the open... the bird says its under his hat...* magic dude pulls out a gun shots at the bird miss and hits a gas tank Boom the ship goes part and parts in the air... the only liveing thing left are the bird and the magic dude... the bird its like ok i give up wheres the ship???

That's an old one.


A blonde decides to start a new life of good deeds, free from people calling her stupid because of her hair. She dyes her hair brown and starts driving along a country road. She sees a farmer about to cross the road with a flock of sheep, and decides that stopping for him should be her first good deed. As he's going across the road, she leans out the window and yells "Hey, if I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The farmer has several thousand sheep, so he says "Ok." She guesses the exact number, and the farmer is amazed. "Well, what sheep do you want?" he asks. She says "How about that frisky one near the back?" The farmer gets it and gives it to her, and as she's about to drive off, he says "If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?

Only a few hundred cases of the Swine Flu have been confirmed in the U.S., and some people are wearing masks. Millions of people have AIDS and nobody wears a condum.

People used to say an African American would become president when pigs flew. Well, sure enough, Obama gets elected and there's swine flu.