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what can i say i like funny quotes
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
-- Dorothy Parker
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
this 1 i found messed up:
One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.
Benjamin Franklin
My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. -----Socrates
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is definitely not for you
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.”
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other b****** die for his. -- General George Patton
The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein
Wow talk about a lot of quotes dragon.
"Beware of Dog... On second thought forget the dog beware of owner"
once you start reading quotes online it's difficult to stop :p
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte
The problem with trying to make anything foolproof is that fools are so good at their job.
A wise man once sat for months in his work room, trying in vain to conceive of a better mousetrap. He finally gave up and bought a cat. This is why he is wise.
A dog is mans proof that man is God. Man is proof that cats are God.
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he strangles you.
Found on a frozen TV dinner : Serving suggestion : Defrost. I guess that means they are not an acceptable substitute for a teething ring.
Ive heard that one and like it.Quote:
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other b****** die for his. -- General George Patton
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
more coming
Just a correction here the actual quote is "No poor dumb ******* ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb ******* die for his country."Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonmother
a serious love quote i used on my sig:
to love is to get a glimpse of heaven
when i called my stepmother to wish her happy mother's day i was telling her some of the quotes that i made a list of, some of them i had to repeat so she could understand what i was saying cause i couldn't stop laughing
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
Incoming fire has the right of way.