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Join or die is pointless to me. If I can spank you easily, why would I want you in my alliance?
That being said, if I do battle with someone, and despite coming out on top, they demonstate being a formidable foe, I would certainly "offer" them a spot in my alliance. At that point they make their own decision. Should they choose to decline, I would then tell them, in order to enjoy your gameplay in the future, you would be best to port out of my immediate area.
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