Choose your own Boleventure

[Boleslav]

ESCAPE FROM THE MODERATORS' BASEMENT
A Fighting Forums Fantasy Boleventure

A. Create your character

Link: http://www.roll-dice-online.com/ (thanks Raven!)

Generating Hit Points.
Roll two dice. Take that number and add an additional point for every 500 forum posts you have made (round up). Congratulations! You have hit points.

Generating Attack Points.
When you attack, roll a dice. Take that number and add an additional point for every green reputation bar you have. If you have grey rep or rep disabled, add no extra points (sorry Evony Admin). If you have red rep, deduct one point from your initial roll (sorry PREDETOR).

You start this adventure with your bare hands to defend you, but as you progress through the adventure you may come across other things you can use as weapons, which will modify these scores.

Items
You have two pockets in your pants and each can hold one item. The pocket in your shirt doesn't count, it's one of those sown closed just for the look pockets. That'll teach you to buy a more practical shirt next time.

B. Combat

From time to time you will get into fights to the death, just like in real life. Here's how to fight.

Determine Who Attacks First
Unless told otherwise, I guess roll a dice? If the number is odd, your opponent attacks first, if the number is even, you attack first. If the dice rolls under the sofa, run around the block pantsless.

Attack!
Every attack hits and does damage, mostly because I can't figure out how to do defense modifiers without going too far into nerdsville. I'm not Boley Gygax. Remember: your attack score is generated by your reputation bar + your dice roll. Your opponents attack in a similar way. There will probably also be special rules and modifiers that render this whole section redundant and cause immense frustration, so keep an eye out for that.

C. How to Play

Haven't you played one of these before? You get to choose what happens next by making decisions. Theoretically they should all connect to make an enjoyable tale, but I'm not actually promising to deliver on that. Most posts will have a choice and links at the bottom for you to select. If you die, go back to the start and weep.

[Boleslav]

You awake, but are groggy. You have a slight headache and are in a very dimly lit room. Oh yeah, you are also strapped into a wooden chair. There's a leather strap holding each of your arms in place. Ow! They're beginning to chafe! Clearly you need to get out of this chair, and soon.
You try to remember what happened. Your last memory was being on the Evony forums, ignoring a repeated moderator request to not continue spamming threads to complain about that thing that annoys you so much. Your last memory was opening your private messages, then? Boom! Darkness.

OK, Back to the straps. The leather is old, warped, and wrinkled, like a science teacher.

Do you:

Wriggle your hands loose and through the straps? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...6&postcount=19
Or
Stay in the chair for a while longer, knowing you can wriggle free later? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=1341911&postcount=9

[Boleslav]

You fall into a pit and die.

[Boleslav]

You decide to open the box marked "Chinothepony".

You have found five ears of corn! These vegetables collectively count towards one of your two items, but you can use them to regenerate 2 Hit Points each. Once you use up all 5, they are gone (but you know how it is with corn, you'll be seeing them later).

Suddenly, you hear a scream coming from your left,

Do you:
Head towards the scream to see what is going on? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...3&postcount=22
Or
Skulk off in the total opposite direction? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...4&postcount=18

[Boleslav]

Alusair (Android/Supermoderator)
Hit Points: 20
Attack Score: 3

Special: Element of Surprise - you get to make 2 free attacks while she gathers her bearings and unsheathes her banhammer.

Special: Alusair wields a legendary banhammer. When she attacks, roll a dice. If the number is 3,4,5 or 6, then in addition to losing life points you have received a warning. Once you have received a warning, rolling a 4,5, or 6 in her next attack results in an infraction for Disrespect of Authority. At this point, whenever Alusair executes an attack, roll a dice. If you roll a 6, you are suspended. When suspended, your game is over, and you may not try to complete it again for a full 24hour period.

If you win, you take the ring of keys. (this counts as an item).

So, just for fun, do you want to head left http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=1341904&postcount=3 or right? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...4&postcount=12

[Boleslav]

After running for a while, you begin to notice some lights in the darkness, perhaps your eyes are beginning to adjust? But where the heck are you (let's just assume you haven't read the title of this adventure yet) and how do you get out? And is that barbeque you smell? Oh yum!
Do you:

Head toward those two lights you see to your right? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=1341909&postcount=7
Or
Follow your nose to that tasty barbeque to your left? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=1341910&postcount=8

[Boleslav]

As you head nearer the lights, you notice that they look very much like eyes. They also seem to be coming towards you.
Roll a dice.

If you roll 1,2 or 3, then you decide to hide behind a big box. conveniently near you. http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...9&postcount=15

If you roll 4, 5, or 6, then you stand there with a big goofy smile and wave at the eyelights coming your way. Being a friendly person, you also yell "hello!" http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...2&postcount=10

[Boleslav]

Good decision! I like barbeque too. Anyway, your wise nose leads you to a very large furnace, which is very much in operation. You open the door and use a nearby rag as a glove to pull out the rack and the meat cooking upon it. That's when you realize that the meat isn't cooked all the way through. In fact, the meat is getting up and attacking you.

SPAMBOT
Hit Points: 5
Attack Score: 2

If you defeat the spambot, you may feast on its flesh to regenerate all your hit points.

Surrounding the furnace are some small cardboard boxes. Would you like to open the one marked "Drizztix" or the one marked "Chinothepony"? For some reason, you feel very strongly that this is a totally artificial, forced choice, and that you can definitely only choose one box for no real justifiable reason.

Do you:
Open "Drizztix" http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...3&postcount=11
Or
Open "Chinothepony" http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=1341905&postcount=4

[Boleslav]

You decide to stay in the chair for a bit. There's no sense in rushing around and getting into trouble. That's when you hear a pitiful voice from behind you? HEEELLLLTTTHHH MEEE!! HEEELLLLTTTHHH MEEE!! HEEELLLLTTTHHH MEEE!! (This part is pretty creepy, huh?) You realize that someone else is in here, imprisoned to a chair just as you are. You slip out from the straps. It's time for you to show your worth as a human being!
Do you:

Run away as fast as you can? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=1341907&postcount=6
Or
Free your fellow captive? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...2&postcount=21

[Boleslav]

Smiling happily, you see the shape coming closer. It's somehow robotic, and somehow feminine. As she approaches, you realize that it's Alusair. She's carrying a tray of gross looking food, but upon seeing you, calmly puts the tray to the side and unsheathes her legendary banhammer. This will not end well.

Alusair (Android/Supermoderator)
Hit Points: 20
Attack Score: 3

Special: Alusair wields a legendary banhammer. When she attacks, roll a dice. If the number is 3,4,5 or 6, then in addition to losing life points you have received a warning. Once you have received a warning, rolling a 4,5, or 6 in her next attack results in an infraction for Disrespect of Authority. At this point, whenever Alusair executes an attack, roll a dice. If you roll a 6, you are suspended. When suspended, your game is over, and you may not try to complete it again for a full 24hour period.

If you win, you notice that she has a ring of keys. You decide to take them (this counts as an item).

So, just for fun, do you want to head left http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=1341904&postcount=3 or right? http://bbs.evony.com/showpost.php?p=...4&postcount=12