Regarding CoD & BF... I'm going to talk about what I've played already (Bad Company 2 & Black Ops / Modern Warfare 2)
CoD: Realism, a lot of it. It feels really real. The houses contain couches, beds, chairs...; bullet-time moments are well made, etc... On the other side, it has some arcade-ish features (coop, zombies). Great stories. Player death animation (when YOU die) are better than BF (I focus too much on details ^^)
BF: Less realism. Houses are pretty much empty except for a few tables. No civilians in the whole game. No offline coop. Destruction 2.0 is simply great tho: a sniper hiding in a house? Bring the house down. Random guy shooting from window? Window, no more.
Online: Both are really good. Again, CoD is focused on realism (you can see yourself scoping, the scope approaching your eye, before entering aim mode, unlike BF where you're directly aiming). What I really love in BF, tho, are the radio comments (e.g. I once saved a team mate and heard him saying through the radio "Thanks mate, you really saved my life out there. I owe you." or similar, which adds a lot of realism to the experience). Again, you can destroy houses and pretty much anything (even trees) in BF (SP and MP), and fixed weapons / vehicles are available for everyone.
PS: About how hard each is, it all depends on what difficulty setting you're choosing. CoD on veteran can't be considered easy. In BF:BC2, tho, I rarely died. (talking about SP; regarding MP, you get the hand of BF much faster -and I really love the vehicles-)

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