Funnies For The Day

[KingLyam]

Greetings Evony Community!

Just thought id start a funnies thread :-)

So ill start us all off.....

Political correctness

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an
Aussie, a Kiwi, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a
Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a
Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian
and an African went to a night club.

The Door-man said "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai"

[acer5200]

Har har har that's so funny let me pick myself up off the floor. Why can't any of these jokes be NOT corny?

[XxflamesxX]

what about the american the inuit the hobo from the bus stop ?

[LostSoul18]

Lol nice one lyam :P hadnt heard that one o.0

[KingLyam]

Lol nice one lyam :P hadnt heard that one o.0

lmfao....jeez peeps give me a break! lol

[Rewster33]

LYAM Where is the Cuban Guy!!

[KingLyam]

lol my apologies bro!

anyways heres todays :-)

What do men and women have in common?
They both distrust men.

If Chuck Norris was a spartan the movie would be called "1".


A man's idea of honesty in a relationship is telling you his real name.


Chuck Norris could start a fire with 2 ice cubes.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed; they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.


Q. If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?

A. Divorce proceedings, most likely.

What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

(Im neither btw lol)

How many French men does it take to defend the city of Paris?

Don't know...its never been done.

:-)

...i hope i didn offend any1 lol.....

[KingLyam]

Hello community!

Ltes bring a few smiles to the faces today :-)

- Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.

- A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

- Never forget that you are unique, just like everybody else!

- He who refuses to listen, is lying.

- The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.

- A politician is a man who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.

- Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.

- If at first you don?t succeed, parachuting is not for you.

- An 'Aeroplane Blonde' is one who has bleached her hair but still has a 'black box'.

- A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient.

- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

- A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, ?What are we going to do??

?Nothing,? said the hunter husband. ?The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.?

[BarnOwl]

Here aresome funny make believe letters... enjoy / got these from another game that I play / I thought they were funny / not trying to offend anyone / well here they are.


Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a *****.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just
saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely, The World

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely, United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol


Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely, Justin Beiber

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some
Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of
shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here
first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

[Cosmic Fury]

Q: Why did the two flies get kicked out of the bar?

A: Because the sign said, "No Shoos, No Service!"