If this poor guy takes any of this seriously he's going to end up thinking he's got stomach cancer a side affect from having AIDS with added pirates indicating a possible pregnancy.
This is why you should never ask for random medical advice off the internet kiddies.
Thanks to Infinitus for the epic B'day pressie!
I'm a doctor so trust me. I believe your symptoms would prove that you ahve an unusually high amount of radiation in your system. Sadly, at this stage you can not make it out. I suggest saying your last word to all your friends and family.
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