Bullying- An Opinion

[Aelphaeis]

Just a quick note at how I'm really responding to this. This piece looks like an argument used to convince someone of something. I'm going to look at the argument in the narrow sense (only focusing on conclusion, reasons and their relationship) and that's how I've decided to critique (?) it.

To begin :
From what I gathered.

Premises :
1) we need to address the problem of bullying more effectively
2) bullying happens to everyone
3) most bullying goes unnoticed

Conclusion :
To address bullying we must first properly define it.

The problems I see with your argument :

1)
Firstly, your entire piece seems to be the fact that bullying is a very vague term. Quite frankly, that's fine. The most obvious problem occurs when you say bullying happens to everyone. I mean, wait a minute, didn't you just say we have yet to define what bullying is?

In schools today around the nation, 'bullying' happens every day in many different forms because of multiple perspectives

This is like me saying :
I don't know what sex is, but I have come to the conclusion that I have sex every night.

Now, this is subtle, its different if I say "I don't know what sex is, but my girlfriend tells me I have sex every night", but how can you yourself come to the conclusion that something is happening if you haven't yet defined what that something is? I notice that you've define bully in your definition at the end the essay; however, the problem is that you use bully in one of your premises without defining it and it makes your argument which I can see as being logically solid come across a lot weaker.

2)
A major thing you don't take into consideration is that the definition cannot be the same for many people due to its very nature.

In your first line you say

there is no common definition of 'bullying'

if there is no common definition you are saying that it is not fact, therefore it is an opinion. In this situation, those two are mutually exclusive, if its not one it must be the other. Therefore we can't make one solid concrete version of what bullying is.

In order to make the distinction between bullying and whatever else it might be, you say: "Bullying is the willful, conscious desire to hurt or threaten or frighten someone else."

How do you know what another person desires? That is really left to your opinion. There is no mathematical formula you can do to figure out what another persons desire or reason for something is, in fact you can only know if they tell you, and if they tell you they can lie. If you're using an opinion as a scale of justice its similar to saying "Person A murdered Person B but because his intentions were good we won't punish them for murder".

3)
In addition, it seems that this was written in an argumentative form, which means that you should be pushing the reader to come to a conclusion, that means they need to make a decision about something. If you said that the reader needs to come to a conclusion as to what is bullying and what is not, that's fine, but if that was the point then you can't say what bullying is in your last paragraph. It doesn't compel the reader to think, ask questions or come to a conclusion. You basically tell them, these are the facts and this is what you are suppose to think. You might not get what I'm trying to say, but because of what you did here. The piece seems to defeat its own purpose.

4)
Lastly, I didn't get this at all.

When we extend the boundaries of bullying to ?dirty looks?, sarcastic comments and minor insults, we are now saying that nearly every teenage girl is guilty of ?bullying? because of typical disagreements, and nearly every teenage boy is guilty for teasing his friends or making the occasional condescending remark. Heck, even some teachers ?bully? students if you apply the same criteria to them.

Actually, yea yourself are ARE applying the same criteria.

Bullying is ?the willful, conscious desire to hurt or threaten or frighten someone else

As I pointed out earlier, fact of the matter is, your definition looks at the reason as opposed to the action. Therefore you can't look at actions and say that it is or isn't bullying. You need to look at WHY the dirty looks, sarcastic comments and minor insults are given and not the fact that they are actually given.

5)
I had actually finished writing this, but I noticed something else fatally wrong with your argument.

Bullying is ?the willful, conscious desire to hurt or threaten or frighten someone else

Your definition works against you.
Example:
Person A goes to Person B's house
Person A kidnaps Person B
Person A demands Ransom
Police Raid Person A hideout
Police say "If you do not release the hostage, we need to come in and arrest you"

In that example, the police are making a threat. Are the police 'Bullying' the criminal (Person A)?

I think that's all I want to say

Some people think that I can be rude or come off a bit like an ass hole when I am honest,I respect your argument, your views and I am not trying to bash your work, I'm really trying to give constructive criticism because I feel that if someone puts the time, effort and dedication into writing a piece I should give my time and effort to give them as thorough an assessment as is necessary .

[Behasaboliagon]

I really don't think their being children makes this any easier to bear: in many ways, this is worse.
children are more impressionable, so things that happen during ones childhood can have lasting effect on ones future.
This means that preventing it at an early age is even more vital.

[five strings]

bommm pretty much took the words out my mouth here. i can remember {though quite foggily} countless brawls in primary school and i feel that i've gotten tougher and more ready for adult-hood because of them. no, kids getting in fights seems bad and something we want to protect them from but it really is an essential part of growing up. that said, aye it does some-times get a bit out of hand and those are the times when the wee braw lads/lasses should be sat down together and ment to talk things out civilly with the headmaster/mistress.

just my opinion

[MrHawk]

It is familiar knowledge that most bullying goes unnoticed and unreported, mostly because there is no common definition of ?bullying?. Some people think of bullying as being thrown head first into trash bins, and others think of it as anything as small as a sarcastic comment. In schools today around the nation, ?bullying? happens every day in many different forms because of multiple perspectives. It can be as subtle as a dirty look or as obvious as verbal insults or physical violence. Something that educators and parents need to accept is that bullying will likely happen to every child without the knowledge of an adult no matter what precautions are taken to prevent peer to peer abuse.
When we extend the boundaries of bullying to ?dirty looks?, sarcastic comments and minor insults, we are now saying that nearly every teenage girl is guilty of ?bullying? because of typical disagreements, and nearly every teenage boy is guilty for teasing his friends or making the occasional condescending remark. Heck, even some teachers ?bully? students if you apply the same criteria to them. Many teachers at the high school level won't think twice about shooting a nasty look at a student who is misbehaving, telling a student to ?shut up?, or making a sarcastic comment towards a student that is being annoying or obnoxious. How this is different that two students doing the same is beyond my comprehension, because the end result is the same. Someone has been humiliated and had their feelings hurt. Some would argue that a teacher has authority in the classroom and that they must discipline their students, but it seems a lot like hypocrisy to me. If students have to be kind and civil at all times for fear of a visit with an administrator, teachers must as well.
In a way, minor ?bullying? actually teaches a lesson. If a child grows up never receiving the short end of the stick, they think that the world is made of cotton candy and fluffy bunnies. When the said child reaches a situation where they are put down or made fun of, they do not know how to handle it. If a child is exposed to the ?real world? where not everyone is like the kind old lady next door, they are able to look past the small inconsequential negative things about life. I am not saying that children deserve to be shoved into lockers and have obscenities shouted at them, yet at the same time being babied by adults that project the idea that we live in a perfect world is not the proper course of action either. The real world is not all lollipops and daisies.
Bullying goes unnoticed because often the very group of people that campaign against it can be just as guilty as the students that are condemned for it. Minor ?bullying? goes unnoticed because so many people do it that it has now become a societal norm, yet students are still called down to the principal's office to be disciplined for something that a large majority of the school population takes part in and is never reprimanded for. What we need to do is define ?bullying? and stick to that definition when attempting to resolve issues, or we risk getting sucked into the never ending spiral of hypocritical disciplinarian actions, upset parents, abashed students and educators, and hurt feelings. Bullying is ?the willful, conscious desire to hurt or threaten or frighten someone else. To do this, the bully has to have some sort of power over the victim, a power not always recognizable to another person.? Much of the time people that are reprimanded for ?bullying? are not trying to hurt feelings, but rather they do it by accident. Bullying is a gray area that needs to be turned clear so that everyone involved understands what is and is not considered ?bullying?, and in what cases discipline is required. You might agree with my opinion, then again, you might not. But there is some truth in what I say.
Bullying hurts.
Ouchie.

__________________________
I'm writing this for personal use, but I have not finalized it yet.
I am willing to entertain different opinions on the matter, and I understand if your opinion differs from mine. I am open to different thoughts and ideas, as I'd like to learn from you guys. The article has to be relatively short, so forgive me if I lack some key points. Feel free to point them out though.

Do you agree with my statements? Disagree? Why or why not? What can I add to my argument to make it more convincing?

Let's see if OT can handle a serious topic.

I'm sorry i felt to lazy to read all that bcuz i know the answer...
And the answer is yes...i used/do bullying my classmates/workmates/teammates because i do sports and i am quite clever.i guess.

[Furrr]

Some people think that I can be rude or come off a bit like an ass hole when I am honest,I respect your argument, your views and I am not trying to bash your work, I'm really trying to give constructive criticism because I feel that if someone puts the time, effort and dedication into writing a piece I should give my time and effort to give them as thorough an assessment as is necessary .

Not looking like an ******* could be quite easily achieved by picking out what she actually did well in her "piece", instead of just picking out negative points.

[Aelphaeis]

Not looking like an ******* could be quite easily achieved by picking out what she actually did well in her "piece", instead of just picking out negative points.

I suppose your right, its much easier to point out the negative points, so I should really take the time to point out what I really liked. One thing that I really noted as good was that what she wanted to do and the conclusion she wanted us to come to was very clear. In my opinion its hard to get the readers to come to a conclusion. I didn't mention it before because I was really focused on the narrow sense aspect of the piece as opposed to looking at it from a broad social sense. I thought of some other things to say but I don't want to make tl;dr again.

[SickbyDefinition]

If you want critique on your arguement, well, I suppose you should establish an argument. I am confused as to whether you are trying to argue that bullying is everywhere, widespread, (and so what? You simply established the point, did not analyze the point very well), whether bullying is a good thing or not, or whether you are trying to simply define bullying. Either way, all of these points are very disorganized. You randomly put in things and it seems to me as if you are simply rambling and ranting about bullying.

If this is simply an expository, more or less explaining what bullying is, where it is, etc., you do in fact need to address the effects of bullying more thoroughly.
Also, is the last sentence of your intro a thesis? If you attempted to make an implied thesis, you failed, if the last sentence is your thesis (it seems the only definitive argument in the intro paragraph), you completely veered off course as far as arguing your point goes.
If you decided not to have a thesis, well, that was a bad decision because it makes your essay lack direction and focus, leading readers to think it was pointless rambling they could have come up with themselves.

I really liked the unique point you brought up about teachers and bullying. But, as with many of your points, it made me want to say, "So what?"
Analyze, analyze, analyze!

My main issue is organization and direction. Your essay lacks both. Although, your syntax structure is pretty varied and you have few mechanical errors, so that's good!
I do want to make one more comment about your style. Your essay seems a bit forced, you are trying to show an intellectual style without having chosen a direction. I've told people before, find your direction, then find your voice. Your tone will come out more clearly.

I don't often use outlines but I suggest you make one.

[BOMMM]

it's something that corrodes society.

is it not also something that gave birth to society , since bullying began from a prehistoric time, its brought groups together so they can defend against it
and live without fear of physical dominance,(packs)
(thats why sheep are the smartest animals )
and so groups of people came together to have strength in numbers, and so societies were born?

(may be getting away from the type of bullying your thinking of, but ,if u give it a certain amount of thought , ^^^ has logic to it...)

so things that happen during ones childhood can have lasting effect on ones future.
This means that preventing it at an early age is even more vital.

true, but the exact same could be said for the latter, what if you made it through your youth without ever being bullied,

when your in a job and feeling comfortable with your career , a bully comes aloung, and you have absolutely no idea how to deal with it ,
this way, a small bit of banter could be exploded into a full on argument, coz you didnt know how to take a bit of banter the right way i.e you never learned during your youth

before you know it, you've spiraled out of a great job, at a stage in your life where its much harder to get back up that high in the career ladder

bullying is something that cant be stopped 100% ,its just the way we aliens are >.>


(im posting these replies not to foce my view upoun others, ,im just prooving im better than ye......

jk, just to show alternative perceptions to yours in a constructive manner

[Furrr]

is it not also something that gave birth to society , since bullying began from a prehistoric time, its brought groups together so they can defend against it
and live without fear of physical dominance,(packs)
(thats why sheep are the smartest animals )
and so groups of people came together to have strength in numbers, and so societies were born?

(may be getting away from the type of bullying your thinking of, but ,if u give it a certain amount of thought , ^^^ has logic to it...)

Minor bullying happens all the time outside the human race... Especially in herd/pack animals.. You see a hierarchy and the bullying induced between the animals to maintain that hierarchy all the time, and its seen as perfectly natural as these creatures rip, kick and bite each other.

We think alike bro'

[The Luda]

Bullying ~ Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

In which superior strength is probably very relative.
Thinking that most people getting bullied usually have a low self-esteem, are insecure, looking for approval, and so on and so on. Which automatically puts them in a weaker position. (funny, because I think that in a lot of cases that also applies to the bully.)