I'm scared.

**RAWRS** · 06-19-2009, 12:06 AM

damn nice story lol i actually thought you were telling the truth :P

**Heraclius** · 06-19-2009, 12:06 AM

And here I was going to share my ghost stories... and trust me there are plenty. I honestly think the woods around my house are haunted. You name it I've seen it in there at night, orbs, dismembered limbs, etc....

Ah but lets save that story for morning...

**chinothepony** · 06-19-2009, 12:18 AM

Originally Posted by Kittiana

Am I the only person that viewed it as a plee for attention? o.o

I think it was a good way to get a scare out of a well written ghost story. Any more to rattle someone's spine a bit, you need gimmicks

**Avarwen** · 06-19-2009, 12:39 AM

For just a random cry for help on the forums I can sort of see how it would get people worked up (I was sort of skeptical honestly, but I usually am about things involving ghosts lol). For an actual story though no offence but i think it needs a bit of work.

You don't have to listen to anything I say after this, but these are some of the parts that bothered me if you're interested lol:

He had two small, round eyes. They were very far apart.

I found this line odd. If he was a person then him having two eyes could have been assumed, neh?

I did fall out of my chair. I grabbed my laptop and got out of the room.

This is unusual behaviour as well. You said you (or your character) was so scared you were shivering before, and yet you come face to face with this thing that you fear and you still have enough of your wits about you to grab your laptop? :s Unless maybe it was ON your lap at the time, but considering you fell on the floor... I don't know, it just doesn't seem logical to me that someone in the middle of being scared out of their mind and trying to escape after falling off their chair would think to grab something as benign as a laptop.

Wouldn't the mother have noticed the dogs barking and growling?

They were acting as if there was someone they didn't know in the room, or an animal they didn't know.

That was sort of indicated by the fact that they were growling and such. I kind of think you overemphasized the fact that the dogs were acting strange.

She said that she's going to call the Keagol's, the last people who lived in the house to ask them about their son's story about a ghost.

That implies to me that the mother is superstitious in the first place, which you contradicted earlier by saying she said you had an overactive imagination. The fact that she would immediately call the people who used to live there (she had their number handy?) and ask them about their son's ghost is kind of weird. Normally a responsible parent would probably call the police or something similar first-- if that, considering dogs acting weird isn't really precident to be anything more than suspicious.

I'm hoping that something in here is helpful and that I wasn't too harsh at any point-- that was not my intent at all. It's just my personal opinion anyway, so you can feel free to ignore everything i've said. =]

**Milonius** · 06-19-2009, 12:42 AM

I mean seriously...using a forum to get readers for your story with some people like me not knowing it was fiction? I was actually a little scared. I think you're selfish.