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Diplomacy is a 2 way street. You setting my alliance to friendly doesn't mean I have to be friends with you.
When small alliances randomly set my lot to friendly we ignore them. If they ask us for friendly status, we send a list of our current enemies and tell them that to be our friend they must show that they have similar allegiances to us, and must therefore attack our enemies too. Sending us 3 recent battle reports against our enemies gets you friendly status back from us.
If we just accept friendly status from everyone that asked for it there would be no one left to fight and we'd spend all day ignoring the game and just ogling the adverts for it. (I would, anyway)
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