Crazy Kid Stories

[Wildor]

You must remember that we hadn't had that dishwashing machine for very long. And, to me, dishwashing soap had always been that green, gooey liquid called Palmolive. You know the kind. It's supposed to leave your hands soft and... palmolivish I guess. Now sure, there was a green box with the word CASCADE printed on it under the sink, but I never even considered that! In my mind, dishes were to be washed with the green, gooey stuff coming out of that plastic bottle. Forever and ever, Amen.

Of course now you know where this is going...

Back to the story.

About half an hour after drowsing off, a noise brings me back. Not a loud or startling noise. Rather soft and somewhat pleasant. Not unfamiliar either. Kind of like the sound Rice-Krispies make when you pour milk on them, but more discreet, more subdued than that.

I'm curious as to where this comes from, so I open my eyes...and my heart grows very cold.

The floor has disappeared!!!

In it's place there is foam. As far as I can see in the house, the floor is now white foam. Everywhere.

How did this happen?? I step into the foam and make my way to the kitchen and THERE, right THERE is the cause of this disaster. I have been BETRAYED!...

Mom's dishwasher isn't just leaking foam, it's birthing a white monster! It's creating a Suds Universe!! A real Immaculate Conception you perceive...(couldn't resist that one!)

I remember clearly my very first thought to be: "This has never happened before..." and then, right on the heels of that: "It's mom's fault! I followed her instructions! I did what she told me to do!"
But I know that's not right and, after a few seconds, it dawns on me. "Oh My God!" I think, "it was just a little extra dash..."

I have to stop this machine. And my first inclination is to simply unlock and open the door. But almost immediately, I reject that. I REALLY shouldn't open that door!!!! I step closer and something I never noticed before just leaps into my sight: a Stop button. I hit it and the machine stops. Phew...

What now? How do I pick up this mess? And preferably do so BEFORE mom and the rest get back?
I get the mop and pail and have a go at it, but trying to pick up foam with a mop is just impossible. So now I have a real problem.
I try with my bare hands, but this will take all day at this rate. Just as I'm about to despair, an idea comes. Why not use a broom and shovel??!!

I go get those in the back room, turn on the cold water in the sink and try brooming and shoveling. AND IT'S WORKING!!! This is one of the best idea I've ever had! I, the unpractical dreamer, have come up with a concrete solution to a concrete problem and for a moment, I am consumed by a feeling of triumphant satisfaction at my common sensical approach to the problem at hand. "You just have to treat the foam as a solid, not a liquid! Boy this is clever!! Almost scientific..." I congratulate myself. And of course, that's when I hear the car coming in the driveway. And my heart sinks into the soles of my shoes.

I will never forget the look on my mother's face when she came in the door that afternoon. I have never again seen incredulity, ire and sadness fight for domination of a countenance in quite that way.

"What did you do?" she asked me in a low voice, the sadness having temporarely won out.
"I did what you told me!!!" I said. "I just put in a little extra dash of soap to make sure..."
"A LITTLE EXTRA DASH!! WHAT DID YOU DO, PUT IN THE WHOLE BOX???"
"What box?"
"..."
"..."


Nowadays, whenever my mother tells the story, she gets hysterical at precisely the point when she starts to describe the look on my face when she came in the door that day...