Monty Python Quotes

[Pieman]

Lol, alright i know this is a bit random... and might even be considered spamming... but i dont even create many threads myself so gimme a break :P

I noticed Lord Arumen and Wildor brought into subject Monty Python in a previous thread and well, i couldnt resist... i like Monty Python almost as much as Pie.

So post here your favorite Quotes from Monty Python!

Im gonna do all mine from Life Of Brian... and of course one from The Holy Grail.

Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.


Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, **** off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we **** off, O Lord?


Brians mother: What star sign is he?
Wise Man #2: Capricorn.
Brians mother: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man #1: King of the Jews.
Brians mother: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man #3: No, no, that's just him.
Brians mother: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.


Spectator I: I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".
Mrs. Gregory: Aha, what's so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.


Brian's mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!


And The Greatest Monty Python Quote Ever: From Holy Grail

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

[Milonius]

BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these
questions three, ere the other side he see.
LAUNCELOT: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your name?
LAUNCELOT: My name is Sir Launcelot of Camelot.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest?
LAUNCELOT: To seek the Holy Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your favorite color?
LAUNCELOT: Blue.
BRIDGEKEEPER: Right. Off you go.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
ROBIN: That's easy!
BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these
questions three, ere the other side he see.
ROBIN: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your name?
ROBIN: Sir Robin of Camelot.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest?
ROBIN: To seek the Holy Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the capital of Assyria?
ROBIN: I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! What is your name?
GALAHAD: Sir Galahad of Camelot.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest?
GALAHAD: I seek the Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your favorite color?
GALAHAD: Blue. No yel-- auuuuuuuugh!
BRIDGEKEEPER: Hee hee heh. Stop! What is your name?
ARTHUR: It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest?
ARTHUR: To seek the Holy Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
ARTHUR: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
BRIDGEKEEPER: Huh? I-- I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!

[Pieman]

Lol, the bridge of death one is good too .

Im surprised nobody has trashed the thread yet lol


?We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!?

?-She turned me into a newt!
-A newt?
-I got better...?


[they fight until Arthur cuts off Black Knight's left arm]
King Arthur: Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch!
King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No, it isn't!
King Arthur: Well, what's that then?
King Arthur: I've had worse.

King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid *******. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: *Look*!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

[King Alboin]

^that's a great one^

and "Call for the holy handgrenade"

"Thou shalt count to three...
thou shalt not count to two, nor shalt the number that thou countest be four.
thou shalt count to three, three being the only number thou shalt count."


I could not put it all down in words, cuz i was too lazy and have to go to work soon.

but i found my favorite quotes on youtube, which happens to be the whole sketch of the Cheese shop.... absolutely classic..

Here it tis...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3KBuQHHKx0

[Rodri]

"No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"